on sitting in mcdonald's at 12:17am

well…it’s 12:17am, and I: 
  a) am sitting alone at a 24-hour mcdonalds;
  b) just finished a really legit sermon/quiet time sesh;
  c) am seriously spiritually overwhelmed. 

i’m sleepy…so I’ll write more on this later. But I think to sum up my thoughts right now, I am learning so much about myself and about Jesus that it’s almost too much to process. I mean, it is. That’s why I had to leave hang out time at the house and come to sketchville, aka Weaverville after midnight. 

And yikes. This day. I got really ticked at something stupid after this barbeque at work today, and when I get like that, I like to go for a drive, so I did…and was just thinking about how I say that I love Jesus and I say that I trust the Lord with my whole life, but I suuuuure have not been acting like that lately. I have not been acting like I have the Spirit of God in me or like I have everything I need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence but which He has granted us through his precious and very great promises…

And so I’ve been at McDonald’s for three hours sorting through what in the worldmakes me think that God is not trustworthy or that his promises are boring or that they’re true for everybody except me because my struggles are especially complicated. 

…what? That is ridiculous. I’ve been acting like a total brat, traipsing all over grace and even dismissing it as unnecessary at times and now that I’m sitting here looking God straight in the face — yes, at McDonald’s — I’m mostly embarrassed with a hint of awe and a dash of humility. I thought I needed all these other things, running after them thinking they would save me or help me, when really the one thing I need is greater intimacy with God, because that’s the one thing that’s the solution to all these problems. 

I’m sick of doubting the Truth. More on this soon…happy changeover weekend! I’ll be pulling some 20 hour days this weekend. Good thing it’s so high school kids can meet Jesus, or I’d be ticked.